I'm eating all of the evidence.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
