I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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