Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
