I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
