This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
