I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
