just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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