I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
