She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
