shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
