you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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