You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
