Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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