Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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