I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
