I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
