Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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