I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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