I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
