My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
