thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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