So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We have so much sex to catch up on
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
