That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
