i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
