Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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