I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
