i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
