he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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