I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
