i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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