I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
