The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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