last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
