we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
