if i can run in heels then i can drive
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
