And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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