Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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