He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
