I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
