drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
