She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
