You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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