I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
