Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
