My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
