I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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