he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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