Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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