I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
