the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
