Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
