it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
