A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
