R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
