it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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