I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
