my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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