After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
