Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
