How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
