I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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